WEIRD ASS PREGNANCY PHOTOS - #5
Husband: So I thought I could stand with my back to the camera and show my delts off.
Photographer: Most couples just face the camera.
Husband: Call Detroit.
Husband: Call Detroit!
Husband: Because these pistons can use some company! BAM!
Photographer: This photo is for a pregnancy announcement, so we should probably focus on the pregnancy. Kate, what do you think?
Wife: I think—
Husband: Hold up babe. Listen bro—
Photographer: I’m a woman. Please don’t call me bro.
Husband: Lady bro, I totally get what you’re saying, but you can’t deny the delts.
Photographer: Your ‘delt’ is the size of your girlfriend’s head.
Husband: Thank lady bro!
Wife: I don’t think she meant—
Husband: Hold up boo bro. Lady bro, our baby is going to have delts like these one day. It’s really important to me that people know that. And they won’t unless these delts get a little face time.
Photographer: (sighs) It’s your photo shoot. You guys do what you want.
Husband: Do you need to look up a word?
Husband: Because these delts have definition. BAM!
WEIRD ASS PREGNANCY PHOTOS - #4
Wife: So I get why I’m naked…
Husband: Because you look natural, like mother earth.
Wife: Right. But what’s with the tire?
Husband: I thought that since we’re taking a picture with your spare tire, I’d bring mine too.
Wife: I’m pregnant!
Husband: I’m joking sugar… but seriously, you knew when you married me that you’d have to share me with my tire business.
Wife: I know your business is really important to you, but these are pregnancy announcement photos, not tire announcement photos.
Husband: Baby, this photo has the three things in life I love more than anything else. You, our new baby and tires. Not necessarily in that order.
Wife: Can’t we at least use a clean tire?
Husband: Clean tires aren’t natural! You see a dirty tire and you know that it works. Three things I don’t trust. Clean tires, Russians and people with lisps. In that order.
Wife: Ok, but—
Husband: I don’t like the way they say “silly.” They sound like giant babies.
Wife: What if we get a few photos with the tire and then without the tire?
Husband: What if we get a few photos with your leg and then without? Because that’s basically what you’re asking me to do.
Wife: Fine dad, we’ll do it your way.
WEIRD ASS PREGNANCY PHOTOS - #3
A pregnant wife steps out of a dressing room.
Wife: Ok, I’m ready for the photoshoot!
Husband: Oh boy.
Photographer: You. Look. Amazing! A pregnant bunny, that’s never been done before!
Wife: A sexy pregnant bunny. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I still can’t look good!
The wife starts to dance all bump ‘n grind like.
Photographer: Whoa! Hold on while I turn up the air conditioning, because it’s getting hot in here!
Husband: Honey, wouldn’t you be more comfortable in a dress or literally anything else?
Wife: No, I want to wear the same outfit the night we met.
Photographer: Where’d you meet?
Wife: At Humperz down by the off ramp. I work there.
Photographer: Awww, and how long have you been together?
Husband: A little under nine months.
WEIRD ASS PREGNANCY PHOTOS - #1
Husband: Carol, you look so beautiful right now.
Wife: I feel so free and pure. You look like Julius Caesar.
Husband: It’s weird you say that, I feel like Julius Caesar!
Wife: Is the camera is set to self-timer?
Husband: Yes, and I’m pressing it……. now!
He presses the button and runs over to his wife.
Wife: Remember, let’s both look down…
Husband + Wife: Like we are gazing at our newborn child.
Husband: God, I feel so connected to you right now.
Wife: And not just because you’re inside of me physically.
Husband: The hardest part about all this is not crying because it’s just so beautiful.
Wife: These pregnancy announcements are going to change the world. But, should I cover my breasts?
Husband: Hmm, yeah. We don’t want to weird our friends out.
The timer ends. The camera flashes. A week later, a woman opens her mail.
Well then stay tuned, because tomorrow marks Concocted Conversations official
WEIRD ASS PREGNANCY PHOTOS WEEK
What you are about to see cannot be unseen.