Guitarist: We all set for the show?
Bassist: Let’s see… Confederate flag backdrop?
Guitarist: Yep. Confederate flag drums?
Bassit: Yep. Confederate flag guitar?
Guitarist: (plays guitar riff)
Bassist: Sounds like a yes to me…Confederate flag chain-link mic stand?
Guitarist: Hell yeah. How else are people gonna know we’re ready to party! Confederate flag vest?
Bassist: You know the only time I take it off is when I shower.
Guitarist: Damn right.
Bassist: You smell that?
Guitarist: Smell what?
Bassist: All that pussy we’ll be scoring after the show.
Guitarist: We’re good at decisions.
Bassist: Hell yeah.
NOTES FROM A BOARD - #3
This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA.
Friend 1: Honey in coffee is the tits.
Friend 2: I told you! Hey check this out.
She points to the bulletin board.
Friend 1: ‘Loud Rude Aggressive Guitar Player Available!!!! Styles of GNR, VR, Motley Crue, Skid row and many more!!! Looking to join or form a band…’
Friend 2: ‘Has professional equipment and attitude and so should you!!!’
Friend 1: He literally sounds like the worst people in the world.
Friend 2: I bet this guy has a lot of I-used-to-play-with-a-bunch-of-assholes stories.
Friend 1: At least he has professional equipment.
Friend 2: And a professional attitude!
Friend 1: That just screams ‘I’m difficult to work with.’
Friend 2: I don’t trust people who use that many exclamation points.
Friend 1: Only Mom’s sending out Christmas card newsletters get to use that many exclamation points.
Friend 2: By the way, ‘Please visit www.myspace.com’?!
Friend 1: I know. Fucking gross.
Internet. I am now writing guest CONCOCTED CONVERSATIONS for MTV Clutch. The first post is about Jessie J. Click the following link to check it out.
As always, thanks for reading. Not this blog, just reading in general. We really need to start reading more guys.
Manager: Kreashy baby, thanks for coming into the office.
Kreashyshawn: Blam Blam.
Manager: Haha, blam blam is right. I’ll get right to it. I need you to tame down your fashion sense.
Kreashyshawn: Aw hell no.
Manager: Kreashy, your wearing a red rubber boot as a hat right now.
Kreashyshawn: Shit’s tight yo.
Manager: And yesterday, you showed up naked at a Goodwill store and got dressed by running through the racks. You came out wearing a fur coat, a unitard and an oven mitt.
Kreashyshawn: I wore the oven mitt because my shit is hot.
Manager: You look like you get dressed by falling into a hamper every morning. There’s a fine line between dressing cool and dressing like a fucking idiot. I know your entire generation dresses like they’re playing a game called “No, I’m wearing the most interesting thing!”, but we have to be careful not to go too far. There can only be one Lady Gaga.
Kreashyshawn: Like the Highlander?
REO Speedwagon’s “Can’t Fight This Feeling” plays.
Pacino: Thanks again for inviting me to the dance.
Obama: I’ve always been a huge fan of you. The Godfather, Heat, Dog Day Afternoon…
Pacino: What about you? Health care reform, ending Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, investing in clean energy…
Obama: Those were just, you know, whatever…
Pacino: Those things weren’t just whatever! They were huge. You’ve been a great President…
Pacino looks at Obama in the eyes.
Pacino: You are a great President.
Obama: Well, it’s easy to be a great President to a citizen like you.
Pacino: Just when I thought I was out, you pull me back in.
Pacino moves in and rests his head on Obama’s chest.
Joe Biden: Hey! Leave enough room for the Holy Spirit!
Pacino and Obama separate to a respectable distance.
Obama: Sorry. Joe can be such a buzz kill sometimes.