Internet. I am now writing guest CONCOCTED CONVERSATIONS for MTV Clutch. The first post is about Jessie J. Click the following link to check it out.
As always, thanks for reading. Not this blog, just reading in general. We really need to start reading more guys.
Manager: Kreashy baby, thanks for coming into the office.
Kreashyshawn: Blam Blam.
Manager: Haha, blam blam is right. I’ll get right to it. I need you to tame down your fashion sense.
Kreashyshawn: Aw hell no.
Manager: Kreashy, your wearing a red rubber boot as a hat right now.
Kreashyshawn: Shit’s tight yo.
Manager: And yesterday, you showed up naked at a Goodwill store and got dressed by running through the racks. You came out wearing a fur coat, a unitard and an oven mitt.
Kreashyshawn: I wore the oven mitt because my shit is hot.
Manager: You look like you get dressed by falling into a hamper every morning. There’s a fine line between dressing cool and dressing like a fucking idiot. I know your entire generation dresses like they’re playing a game called “No, I’m wearing the most interesting thing!”, but we have to be careful not to go too far. There can only be one Lady Gaga.
Kreashyshawn: Like the Highlander?
Boss: We have licensing for Ed Hardy. Why not make Ed Hardy beer?
Employee: Ed Hardy Beer? I know we’re trying to maximize profits with ever widening revenue streams, but do you think anyone would actually buy Ed Hardy beer?
Boss: I saw a guy this morning wearing an Ed Hardy shirt with a skeleton riding a tiger holding a flaming sword in one hand and a dragon in the other.
Boss: The tiger also had wings and was on a skateboard. So yeah, I’m pretty sure that guy is going to buy Ed Hardy Beer.
Employee: What the hell, we can market it to date rapists.
Boss: In a way, isn’t that all beer?
Fashion Student 1: You know I hate Nazis as much as the next guy.
Fashion Student 2: Oh me too. They were the worst.
Fashion Student 1: The absolute worst.
Fashion Student 2: But you got to hand it to them…
Fashion Student 1: They really had a knack for design.
Fashion Student 2: I know, right!
Fashion Student 1: All those simple, clean lines…
Fashion Student 2: Strong colors…
Fashion Student 1: It just works!
Fashion Student 2: If they stuck to designing flags and uniforms…
Fashion Student 1: Rather than designing flags and uniforms and systematic genocide.
Fashion Student 2: They could have gone a lot further.
Fashion Student 1: Yeah, they really missed up their priorities.
Husband: I don’t care what anyone says, this is a great t-shirt.
Wife: I know honey, but do you have to wear it to the rehearsal dinner?
Husband: Uh, how else will everyone know that the father of the bride is not to be fucked with?
Wife: John, no one is going to “F” with you at our daughter’s wedding.
Husband: Remember our wedding? Two fights broke out.
Wife: That you started!
Husband: I specifically told the DJ Steely Dan only! He’s the one who started playing “Funkytown”.
Wife: John, this shirt is not appropriate for a rehearsal dinner!
Husband: Hold on. Did I just hear my wife tell me that loving the United States of America isn’t appropriate.
Wife: I didn’t say that.
Husband: I love three things in this world. The USA, Steely Dan and you. In that order.
Wife: I know, you tell me every night before we go to bed.
Husband: And in the morning.
Wife: Fine John, wear the damn shirt.
She starts to walk away.
Wife: I just think it’s strange that the dog on your patriotic shirt is a German Shepherd.
John looks down at his shirt.
Husband: Wait, what?