Guest Post by Paul Isakson:
Paul Isakson is LA comedian and filmmaker. He made a very funny Channel 101 series called Sex Teenagers and now wrote this very funny post for Concocted Conversations.
If you have an idea for a Concocted Conversation, please submit! Just keep it under 200 words.
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THE ROLLERBLADE BLADE RUNNER
A meeting is taking place in the Rollerblade board room circa 1998.
Marketing Executive: We need a new series of in-lines for this new generation. Ladies and gentlemen of the board, it is my honor to present the “Blade Runner” series.
The Marketing Executive displays a “Blade Runner” box and the board members applaud uproariously. A Junior Executive hesitantly raises his hand.
Junior Executive: Hate to say this, sir, but there’s already a very popular movie called Blade Runner. Calling our skates “Blade Runners” may confuse people.
Marketing Executive: Exactly! People will think they’re buying a DVD copy of the movie Blade Runner. Imagine their surprise and delight when they open the box and find a pair of high-end in-line skates!
Junior Executive: I don’t know if that’s a good business strategy, sir.
Marketing Executive: Oh, really? Well, we’ve already tied in to the special edition of “Blade Runner.” They’ll get the full Rollerblade experience even if they do purchase a copy of the film.
Junior Executive: What? But sir, there’s no in-line skating in that movie.
Marketing Executive: There is now! The Blade Runner Special Edition DVD is exactly the same as the original movie, only now all the characters are on Rollerblades. We digitized the actors so they look like they’re a few inches taller and gliding through every scene. It’s taken years. It was unbelievably expensive.
Junior Executive: I really don’t understand, sir.
Marketing Executive: You know what I don’t understand? How you’re still working here. All in favor of firing this idiot?
In unison, all the board members “yay.” The Junior Executive solemnly skates out of the boardroom.
A bro screws his license plate onto to his cherry red corvette.
Bro: Hell yeah.
His friend walks up.
Friend: MMMGIRLS?
Bro: I’m going to crush so much pussy now.
Friend: I think you’re overestimating the importance of novelty license plates when it comes to sex with women.
Bro: Maybe, but no.
Friend: And you’re definitely underestimating how creepy a naked lady license plate frame is.
Bro: Whatever, you know nothing about women.
Friend: What type of girl would see this license plate and be even remotely interested?
Bro: The type of girl with little to no standards.
Friend: You must be the worst lover ever.
Bro: I drill ‘em like I’m looking for oil.
Husband: My business cards came! It’s time to get the word out about my chiropractor practice.
Wife: I am so proud of you. Let me see.
He gives her a card.
Wife: Oh, you put Kelsey on there… and she’s on the toilet.
Husband: Isn’t our baby the cutest?
Wife: Do you think it’s appropriate to have our child on a business card?
Husband: Absolutely. It shows I’m a loving father. People with bad backs love that stuff.
Wife: Honey, she’s on the toilet.
Husband: I know. Hilarious, right?
Wife: It’s kinda weird. Couldn’t you have taken a photo of her in the sandbox or the garden or literally anywhere else?
Husband: I tried, but she wouldn’t give me two thumbs up.
Wife: How did you get her to do it on the toilet?
Husband: I asked her what her shit was like.
Wife: So, you’re sure we’re in the center?
Photographer: Yeah, totally.
Husband: Because from the way you’re holding the camera, it looks like we’re not.
The photographer takes a drag from his cigarette.
Photographer: Trust me.
Wife: We just really want to have a nice picture to display in our bed & breakfast and a photo of us pushed all the way to the side would look strange.
Photographer: Guys guys, it’s me. Larry. I’m a professional. I know what I’m doing.
Husband and Wife: Okay.
He snaps the photo.
Photographer: Now can you pay me in beer ‘cus It would save me a trip.
GUEST POST BY MIKE HOLLINGSWORTH!
Mike Hollingsworth is extremely funny writer and very talented animator. You’ve may have seen some of his shorts like The Mustache Contest or one from his popular Nature Break series (which is coming to Smosh’s Youtube Channel on July 9).
To see more of Mike’s stuff, check out his Youtube page.
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INT. Living room of a run-down house.
Wife: Frank? Frank? FRANK!
Frank: Huh? What?
Wife: Frank are you drunk again?
Frank: I’m not drunk. I’m just, you know, enjoying a few cold ones while I watch the big game.
Wife: Wheel of Fortune is not “the big game.” It’s on Monday through Friday every week.
Frank: I like to solve the puzzles.
Wife: Frank, I need you to spend some time with our daughter. Also the dog needs to go for a walk. Do you hear me Frank?
Frank: Mount Rushmore!
Wife: What!?!?
Frank: Oh, sorry, I was just solving a puzzle on The Wheel. But I heard you. Spend time with the dog and take the daughter out fer a walk.
Wife: Wait, what did you say?
Frank: Babe! I got it, I got it, I got it.
