NOTES FROM A BOARD - #3 This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA. Friend 1:  Honey in coffee is the tits. Friend 2:  I told you! Hey check this out. She points to the bulletin board. Friend 1:  ‘Loud Rude Aggressive Guitar Player Available!!!! Styles of GNR, VR, Motley Crue, Skid row and many more!!! Looking to join or form a band…’ Friend 2:  ‘Has professional equipment and attitude and so should you!!!’Friend 1:  He literally sounds like the worst people in the world.Friend 2:  I bet this guy has a lot of I-used-to-play-with-a-bunch-of-assholes stories. Friend 1:  At least he has professional equipment.  Friend 2:  And a professional attitude! Friend 1:  That just screams ‘I’m difficult to work with.’ Friend 2:  I don’t trust people who use that many exclamation points.  Friend 1:  Only Mom’s sending out Christmas card newsletters get to use that many exclamation points. Friend 2:  By the way, ‘Please visit www.myspace.com’?! Friend 1:  I know. Fucking gross.

NOTES FROM A BOARD - #3

This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA.

Friend 1:  Honey in coffee is the tits.

Friend 2:  I told you! Hey check this out.

She points to the bulletin board.

Friend 1:  ‘Loud Rude Aggressive Guitar Player Available!!!! Styles of GNR, VR, Motley Crue, Skid row and many more!!! Looking to join or form a band…’

Friend 2:  ‘Has professional equipment and attitude and so should you!!!’

Friend 1:  He literally sounds like the worst people in the world.

Friend 2:  I bet this guy has a lot of I-used-to-play-with-a-bunch-of-assholes stories.

Friend 1:  At least he has professional equipment. 

Friend 2:  And a professional attitude!

Friend 1:  That just screams ‘I’m difficult to work with.’

Friend 2:  I don’t trust people who use that many exclamation points. 

Friend 1:  Only Mom’s sending out Christmas card newsletters get to use that many exclamation points.

Friend 2:  By the way, ‘Please visit www.myspace.com’?!

Friend 1:  I know. Fucking gross.

NOTES FROM A BOARD - #2 This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA. Friend 1:  I gotta admit. I’m digging the honey in my coffee trick.  Friend 2:  It’s good, right? Oh hey check this out. She points to the bulletin board. Friend 1: ‘I buy sell and trade crystals and am staying in the area till the 3rd. Zlacite, Haetan, Purtz, Opals… Jason.’ Friend 1:  Jeez, is the economy crystal-selling bad? Friend 2:  Let’s call him! Friend 1:  He is in town only to the 3rd.  Friend 2:  Guys who sell crystals are always on the move. Friend 1:  Bet you $5 he’ll roll up on his bike wearing a fanny pack. Friend 2:  Bet he’ll ask us for weed. Friend 1:  People who are into crystals freak me out. Friend 2:  Yeah, I feel like people who buy crystals probably own a sword with a handle that turns into a dragon. Friend 1:  With wings as the handles. Friend 2:  You know what else freaks me out? Friend 1:  A committed relationship? Friend 2:  Fuck you.  A rolls up on a bicycle wearing a fanny pack. Friend 1:  Oh look, your new boyfriend’s here. Friend 2:  Fuck you forever. Crystal Guy:  You guys got any weed?

NOTES FROM A BOARD - #2

This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA.

Friend 1:  I gotta admit. I’m digging the honey in my coffee trick. 

Friend 2:  It’s good, right? Oh hey check this out.

She points to the bulletin board.

Friend 1: ‘I buy sell and trade crystals and am staying in the area till the 3rd. Zlacite, Haetan, Purtz, Opals… Jason.’

Friend 1:  Jeez, is the economy crystal-selling bad?

Friend 2:  Let’s call him!

Friend 1:  He is in town only to the 3rd. 

Friend 2:  Guys who sell crystals are always on the move.

Friend 1:  Bet you $5 he’ll roll up on his bike wearing a fanny pack.

Friend 2:  Bet he’ll ask us for weed.

Friend 1:  People who are into crystals freak me out.

Friend 2:  Yeah, I feel like people who buy crystals probably own a sword with a handle that turns into a dragon.

Friend 1:  With wings as the handles.

Friend 2:  You know what else freaks me out?

Friend 1:  A committed relationship?

Friend 2:  Fuck you. 

A rolls up on a bicycle wearing a fanny pack.

Friend 1:  Oh look, your new boyfriend’s here.

Friend 2:  Fuck you forever.

Crystal Guy:  You guys got any weed?

NOTES FROM A BOARD - #1 This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA. Friend 1:  I’ve never seen someone put honey in their coffee. Friend 2:  Yeah I saw my one friend do it, so I thought I would try it… oh hey, look at that. She points to the bulletin board. Friend 1:  ‘Need help or partner in screenwriting.’ Well, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen. Friend 2:  Do you realize how lonely this guy must be? Friend 1:  He might as well post a flyer that says ‘FRIEND?’ Friend 2:  I almost want to call him, but I have soooo many friends already.  Friend 1:  I know what you mean. I’m literally dripping with acquaintances.  Friend 2:  This is worse than people on Facebook who write ‘anyone want to hang out today?’ Friend 1:  Hey, I did that! Friend 2:  Oh, yeah. Sorry.

NOTES FROM A BOARD - #1

This series is inspired from notes I have seen on cafe bulletin boards in LA.

Friend 1:  I’ve never seen someone put honey in their coffee.

Friend 2:  Yeah I saw my one friend do it, so I thought I would try it… oh hey, look at that.

She points to the bulletin board.

Friend 1:  ‘Need help or partner in screenwriting.’ Well, that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever seen.

Friend 2:  Do you realize how lonely this guy must be?

Friend 1:  He might as well post a flyer that says ‘FRIEND?’

Friend 2:  I almost want to call him, but I have soooo many friends already. 

Friend 1:  I know what you mean. I’m literally dripping with acquaintances. 

Friend 2:  This is worse than people on Facebook who write ‘anyone want to hang out today?’

Friend 1:  Hey, I did that!

Friend 2:  Oh, yeah. Sorry.

Friend 1:  Dude, check out that gas mask! Friend 2:  The one with the bong in it? Friend 1:  Yeah! That is so awesome. We can light it with my handgun lighter! Friend 2:  We had to wear gas masks when I was in Fallujah. Some insurgents blew up a chemical factory.  Friend 1:  Shit man, I keep forgetting you were over there. Well, I bet this gas mask is better because you’ll be smoking weeeeeeed. Friend 2:  My platoon was ambushed. A lot of my friends were injured. One died. Greg. He had two little girls. Friend 1:  Uh, yeah. Well. I mean, this gas mask is still pretty sweet.  Friend 2:  How do you exhale the smoke? Friend 1:  I guess you’d have to take the gas mask off. Friend 2:  Greg took his mask off. That’s how he died. Friend 1:  … Friend 1:  … Friend 1:  I once smoked so much I thought I was going to die. Friend 2:  Yeah, so we have to stop being friends.

Friend 1:  Dude, check out that gas mask!

Friend 2:  The one with the bong in it?

Friend 1:  Yeah! That is so awesome. We can light it with my handgun lighter!

Friend 2:  We had to wear gas masks when I was in Fallujah. Some insurgents blew up a chemical factory. 

Friend 1:  Shit man, I keep forgetting you were over there. Well, I bet this gas mask is better because you’ll be smoking weeeeeeed.

Friend 2:  My platoon was ambushed. A lot of my friends were injured. One died. Greg. He had two little girls.

Friend 1:  Uh, yeah. Well. I mean, this gas mask is still pretty sweet. 

Friend 2:  How do you exhale the smoke?

Friend 1:  I guess you’d have to take the gas mask off.

Friend 2:  Greg took his mask off. That’s how he died.

Friend 1:  …

Friend 1:  …

Friend 1:  I once smoked so much I thought I was going to die.

Friend 2:  Yeah, so we have to stop being friends.

numnumsbylaura: Wife: honey, what would you like for dinner tonight? Husband: Cheeseburger Pie Wife: Cheeseburgers and Pie? Alrighty! Off to the kitchen I go… Husband: Bitch slow your roll…I said CHEESEBURGER PIE Wife: Cheeseburger Pie? Husband: Yes Cheeseburger Pie. Wife: I…I don’t even know how to make that.. Husband (looking at watch) : Omg! Would u look at what time is it! It’s DIVORCE time…

numnumsbylaura:

Wife: honey, what would you like for dinner tonight?

Husband: Cheeseburger Pie

Wife: Cheeseburgers and Pie? Alrighty! Off to the kitchen I go…

Husband: Bitch slow your roll…I said CHEESEBURGER PIE

Wife: Cheeseburger Pie?

Husband: Yes Cheeseburger Pie.

Wife: I…I don’t even know how to make that..

Husband (looking at watch) : Omg! Would u look at what time is it! It’s DIVORCE time…

Source: numnumsbylaura